World cycling round up of the week

Lets take a look at what’s going on worldwide in the sport of cycling at the moment:

A bunch of unheard of riders are riding around Asia at the Jalajahahaha-Malasia and the Tour of Korea, where the Asian riders are doing what they do best: chopping everyone up in corners while grunting. America is getting all excited about a series of freak-show, circus displays they call “speed week” which a few of them actually think matter. Lance Armstrong is doing his best Russian National Team impression by going back to the team van and pulling on a totally random jersey after he’s been told he can’t participate in a given event. Only Lance has gone one step further and brought along a handful of other ineligible riders to go play “big fish in a small pond” at the Tour of Gila. Morocco is about to kick off yet another seemingly pointless series of UCI races on the African continent, Australia is showing the world how truly up-side-down they are by racing in the middle of winter with the Tour of Canberra, which according to the start list looks more like a cyclosportif than a real bike race. The Canadians… have no bike races, the Italians are doing their hair, the Spanish are hiding away from the authorities timing themselves up one climb, the British are… surprising numerous in the pro ranks, the French are nowhere to be seen, the Belgians think the season officially ended with LBL and are down the pub, and the rest of the cycling world is involved in a real bike race at Romandie, where they are forced to duke it out with parked cars due to an odd law in Switzerland that forbids them to remove parked cars from the road for a bike race. But at the end of the day, all that matters is that Mark Cavendish has won 2 bikes races, so screw you!